Just Call Me Eeyore

Do any of you have those friends, that whenever you talk to them, you get depressed?  Those friends, that no matter what is going on in life, something bad is always happening to them? They seem to pass through life with an impenetrable black cloud lingering over their head. I have a few of those friends, and when they call and leave messages, I have to work up the energy to call them back, because I know the conversation will be a downer.  No matter when and where we talk, I can be assured, that their life is in tumult. Today, I had the sudden realization that I am one of those people. Upon reviewing my life over the last year and a half, I realized the dark cloud has situated itself directly over my head. If I had to call myself on the phone, I would need to work up the energy to talk to myself! Talk about a humbling realization. I have become a huge drag to be around! I wonder if when people see me coming, they run for cover. Do they screen my calls?  "Great it is HER again."

Most of what has happened in life recently, I have little control over, but my husband very poignantly informed me that it is not so much what happens, but how I react to it that makes the difference in being one of THOSE people.  Admittedly, I am not reacting very well to the curve balls I have been thrown. Instead of dodging or swinging, I am letting them hit me right in the face. And then, after I am hit, I get really hurt and really pissed. Part of that, is my own fault, and part of that is just life handing me a giant bag of stinky crap.

This week has yielded more crap. My handicapped aunt has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Since my grandma passed away in October, my aunt has become a prominent person in my life, because I had been trying to take care of her. After getting her settled, I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief. But now there is this.

Here is the thing, I have spent the last two days really upset, for a number of reasons that I won't rehash, but as of right now, I am CHOOSING to be an optimist. We don't know the severity of the situation yet, perhaps it was caught early. Until I hear definitively, I will attempt to stay positive. This type of approach is not my forte. It will take a conscious effort, and probably require a lot of work on my part to maintain. And if the news is bad, well, I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.  Day to day crap, really makes it hard to maintain an eternal perspective, doesn't it?

Gain does not come without some loss.  The older I get, the more perspective I gain, but for crying out loud...I wish the process was less painful.