Never Judge...

A book by its cover.  I have always heard this bit of advice, and I have to admit, I completely disregard it. Cover art can actually tell me a lot about a book. In fact, it is the cover that often inspires me to flip the book over and see what it is about,  or conversely it makes me run the other direction. For instance, if anyone is scantily clad on the front of the book, forget it.  If there is skin on the front, there will definitely be skin IN the book, and if I am going to invest my time in something, it had better be worth my while.  Not to mention, if a book looks really dull because of the cover, I have found that it is likely a dull book. Classics are exempt from this rule of thumb, because most of those have very little cover art. I am not saying my plan is foolproof.  There is the possibility that I am missing some really great reads, but I am probably also not wasting as much time as I could be.

With the purchase of my Kindle, I find that I am even more drawn in by "covers". I receive daily emails touting free books or bargain buy books, and I could really get bogged down if I felt compelled to read the plot of each book.  Instead I scroll through until I see a cover that catches my interest, and I let the rest go.  I have downloaded books that once I got a few pages in, merited deletion from my Kindle, but for the most part, I have been pretty happy with most of the books I have gotten for free.

My other means of making educated book selections comes from my favorite book reviewer.  There is rarely a book that I don't like, if it comes highly recommended by my sister-in-law.  Check out her blog at www.bringonthebooks.blogspot.com. My kids make books a priority on their birthday and Christmas lists, because she helps them find books that match their personalities and interests.  Our house is overrun with books, much to my husband's chagrin, but to me, there is nothing like escaping to another world with a good book.

The Flood Gates Opened

This week has been a tough one.  I have been under the weather just enough that I have felt blah, but not enough to crawl in bed and stay there.  I manage during the day, and then crash hard by the evening.  That being said, that hasn't really been the tough part of my week.  The tough part has been, having to sort out what I perceived as a personal attack on me.  I spend a lot of time building walls around myself allowing only certain people a glimpse inside the walls. Frankly, I used to always act tough and respond with sarcasm to protect myself.  However, I think I am getting soft in my old age.  2011 was such a hard year, with so much loss, that in some ways it weakened my defenses.  My carefully constructed facades had leaks of emotion spurting out of them at the most inopportune times.  Crying in public is my least favorite display of emotion.  I would rather get angry or terse than have make-up running down my face and receive pity glances.  Truthfully, I don't know what do with criers myself, so being a crier is uncomfortable for me.  You can imagine the annoyance I felt, when this week I became a crier.  Assumptions were made and criticisms were given in such a way, that it was abundantly clear the person delivering these words knew nothing about me or my character. At first I felt angry, but as the attack continued, and it became evident to me this person considered my efforts a failure, I started to feel emotion well up within.  Desperately, I tried to hold back the tears, but they squeezed out anyway. The presence of my tears, did not soften the attack, and I tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible.  However, after this interchange, every time someone else asked if I was all right, the traitorous tears would start again.  No one believes, "Yeah, I am fine", when you have tears running down your cheeks.  Argh!

My husband often teases that "I am dead inside"a reference to Chandler in the old show Friends. That really isn't the case, I just know what things I can't let breakthrough, or I would be a mess on a daily basis.  But this assessment is becoming less and less of a reality as the years pass by. At this rate, it won't be long before I drown in a puddle of my own tears.  So do me a favor, if I look like I have been crying, just ignore me.  Don't ask, "How are you doing?" Obviously, if I look tearful, I probably was tearful, so let's assume I am not fine and move on, pretending that I am.  I am cool with pretending.

As the days have passed since the confrontation, I am feeling more like my old self; kind of feisty and ready to accept the challenge. With the return of these instincts, I am comforted.  These reactions and feelings are what I know, and what I can work with. Not everyone is going to like me, and that is fine, because I don't like everyone I meet either.  I need to let go of this desire to please everyone, and just focus on pleasing the One that matters most.  But, boy is that hard sometimes.....

They Are Trying To Take Me Down

My whole family has conspired against me.  One by one they have gotten sick. I am the last man, er woman, standing. The problem is, that even though my husband is "on the mend", he still sounds horrible. My eldest, took sick Tuesday night, and my youngest caved last night with a fever.  Temperature checks on the kids, an hour ago, stand at 99.5 for the eldest, and 101.4 for the youngest.   The husband was munching on cereal, with no milk, and while the kids have no real appetite, that sounded like a decent "treat" to them. Hugging his box of Apple Jacks, he declared he didn't want their germy hands in the box, because they were sick.  One should note here, that he was hacking and coughing as he spoke.  Me, I feel fine, just exhausted, because I am not sleeping. Between feverish children waking me and the chorus of phlegmy coughs that fill the not so silent nights, there is no rest for the weary.  And this, this is how it will begin.  Weakening my immune system by sleep deprivation.  Coughing in my face and leaving snotty tissues around the house, that I end up touching in order to dispose of them. It has all been carefully calculated, so that about the time everyone around here is well, I will get this nonsense. At that point, I will be expected to carry on, because I am the mom, and moms aren't allowed to be unwell.

The bright side is, my dog is the happiest he has been in ages.  Having someone home ALL day is a rarity these days. Because of this, he has been spoiled with extra belly rubs all day long. And, my kids, well, at least they are snuggly when they are sick.  They still need their mama. We also watched, The Pirates!  A Band of Misfits, which was cute.  So, It isn't all bad, but it could be better. Tomorrow will look a lot like today did.  We will be staying in until they are fever free for 24 hours.  I am sincerely hoping that will be by tomorrow night.

Surprisingly Calm

Over the last couple of weeks, I have had a few dark spots removed from my fair skin.  The results came back mostly good from the first round of biopsies.  Two areas were fine, and one had abnormal/atypical cells.  Today I had to go back in and have that abnormal spot re-shaved. There was also a spot we were "watching", but given my atypical results, that spot was removed today as well.  I will get the biopsy results in 10 to 14 days for this round.  Bottom line, I need to be vigilant now about checking my skin.  Left untreated, those spots would likely develop into melanoma. Anyone that knows me, knows that words like melanoma would normally send me into a tailspin, but instead I am surprisingly calm.  I think, simply knowing I need to be proactive and have my skin checked regularly, has helped me to feel grounded. The more I get checked by a professional, the more I know what kind of spots to look for, which helps my frame of mind too.  For now, I am going on the six month skin check plan, per the doctor.  It is just one of those things that I have to do.  That being said, I am going to turn this into a PSA...ha!  If you haven't had a skin check and you are mid-thirties or older, then get it done. Pronto!  When I paid my bill today, for the last round of procedures, it was pricey.  I sent my husband an email, and complained.  Ever the wise one, he responded, "Well, how much are cancer treatments?  Let's put this into perspective."  And that, is that.