Running With The Big Kids

This week, I had my first real moment of "letting go" with my eldest child. We were at the community pool, and while we were there, I saw 3 girls from my daughter's dance school.  They were trying to get her attention, waving at her, while she was in the pool. First of all, let me just say, all three of these girls seem very sweet.  Second, they are about 3 years older than my kid, so it was nice that they went out of their way to see her. But then came the moment of, "Mom, can I hang out with them?" Ugh. You see, I am a "hands on" parent, especially at the pool.  I like to keep tabs, and at least have a visual, on both my kids at all times, even at a distance.  Part of this stems from their mediocre to poor swimming skills, and the other part has to do with the sheer magnitude of the crowds. I knew that as long as the 4 girls stayed together they would be fine, but it still made me edgy. The older girls liked to move often from one spot to another, and asking my kid to check in with me every time they found a new location to hang out would have resulted in her spending more time with me than them.  So I had to take a deep breath, and let go a little.

As a homeschooling parent, I am hypothesizing that this process tends to be a little harder for us than other parents.  Most of my friends that send their kids to regular school have them riding a bus by kindergarten. They are far more acclimated to their child's independence by now.  So, bear with me when I say, it felt WEIRD. I am used to hanging out with my kids, and most of the time, I like to.  But this was one of those moments where I knew my presence would NOT be welcome, at least as far as my kid was concerned. So I fought my normal instincts and stayed put. They went on the slides, they hung out by the waterfall, and then they went to the "big" swimming pool. The last one caused me to experience a large amount of anxiety. The big pool is deeper, out of my sight COMPLETELY, and very crowded. But I did not follow. A few short minutes later, they reappeared to visit another spot, as was their pattern throughout the afternoon.

My girl was beaming.  Every time I did catch her eye across the way, she would smile and wave at me. She had a blast.  So, we both grew a little bit this week. But, that is enough growing for now. I am okay with the occasional moments of her running with the big kids, as long as she understands that she is still my first baby.  She is not allowed to grow up too fast. However, even as I write that, I know it is still going to happen too fast for my liking.