Feeling Melancholy

I am having a melancholy day. I feel slightly cheated, because the weather is so beautiful, but I can't seem to reconcile myself to feel as cheerful as the day beckons me to be. We started the day off with our last church service in the church building where I grew up, was married, and had one of my children dedicated. Next week we begin writing new chapters in our new church building, but I am really terrible at letting go. I suppose it didn't help that my dad and best friend spoke during the service to talk about what our church, the people, not the building, meant to them. It just made a flood of memories run through my brain today. My parents and I followed up our lunch out by going to Hospice. A woman, that has been a friend to our family for years, and has been more family to me than some of my biological relatives, is losing her mother at the ripe old age of 92. Her mother's health has been declining for a couple of years, and while you begin to expect the end at some point, it doesn't really make it any easier when it comes. The beautiful day seemed a little mocking as our friend and her sister sat in a room literally waiting for death to come. Her mother "rallied" a bit at our arrival, saying her first words of the day and offering a couple of small smiles, especially when her daughters announced that her boyfriend, my dad, had arrived. Even at death's door, she is trying to keep her sense of humor, even if she doesn't have the energy to really show it. As for our friend, she has spent so many years of her life, entrenched in caring for her mother, that I am not sure how she will cope once her mom is gone. She has literally put her own life and needs on hold for her mom, and while it would seem this is a valiant course of action, I worry about not only her grieving her loss, but trying to put a world back together for herself. The last bit of the day, my husband and I decided to take the kids and enjoy some outdoors time. We went for a walk on our local bike path, and found that much of it had been exposed on nearly one entire side to the neighboring highway. Not exactly, a scenic walk. Many of the trees and bushes that kept the highway hidden last year, had been removed, presumably to reduce acts of crime. It was too secluded apparently with all of the trees, so now that it is open to the highway it is supposed to deter unlawful things from occurring. It just made me feel sad. Anyway, that is why I am melancholy today. I haven't really cried, maybe that is what I need to purge it all out of my system, but crying usually isn't my way. At least not until I stuff so much down inside that I can't hold it in anymore.