Matters of the Heart

Dealing with death will either bring out the religiosity in people or the denial that there is any need for religion at all. For once, I got to sit on the sidelines for this weekend's funeral that we "attended". Actually, my husband attended, and I kept our kids clear of having to participate in another funeral, but we all travelled out of state to support our family members that were affected. We were, however, present for the after party, and the family gatherings, where everyone was decompressing from the stressful week.  I knew how they were feeling, having walked this road a lot in the last year or so; mentally, emotionally, and  physically exhausted. We tried to keep things light and go with the flow, but I have to admit I felt a deep sorrow on several occasions that related very little with the passing of the actual person that died.  I am the first to admit that one way to deal with such an undue amount of stress it to attempt to use humor. Jokes, no matter how ill-timed or inappropriate, are a lifeline, a release, a few seconds escape from the business at hand. I am okay with that.  I can roll with that. However, I have a hard time joking about true matters of faith. Ever. The woman that passed was a bit of a Pharisee, for lack of a better modern day comparison.  She struggled with people failing, and breaking religious rules.  I believe her intent was pure but her execution of sharing her faith with her family was somewhat detrimental to actually convincing them of the need for God or anything to do with Him.  With that in mind, she had conveyed to friends her concerns about certain family members needing salvation, and being fellow Pharisees, these friends chose the funeral as a time to express that they were praying for these "lost souls". Additionally, pointing out what situations were certainly leading them down paths of destruction. The people that were addressed by these women reacted one of two ways.  They were either incensed, as if they needed anyone praying for them for any reason at all, or they were mocking these women for wasting their time.  I casually inserted that it is never a bad thing to have someone praying for you, whether you think you need it or not, but I felt heavyhearted. These women had done nothing to encourage faith, not really, in fact they may have successfully pushed the objects of their prayers even further away with their "concern".  This scenario has forced these matters of the heart into my consciousness...living in denial, pretending everyone I know is a Christian is easier, but it has been confirmed that everyone I know is NOT a Christian, and frankly, that sucks.