If...Then God

Currently, I am attending a weekly Beth Moore Bible Study on the book of Esther. It has been an interesting study thus far, but the video from this last week really resonated with me. At one point she was discussing how freeing it would be to live a life without fear. The most common/repeated command in the Bible is "Do not be afraid." She related a fear that she has struggled with regularly over the last few years and that is the fear that her husband will find a new woman. Not just a woman to have an affair with, but a woman that he loves. "What if she were darlin'?" (Said in her Texan accent.) "What if my daughters liked this new woman?" What if? What if? What if? And when she went through the entire scenario of all the horribleness, she finally came back to God.

Once I became a wife and mother, I became a worrier and fearer extraordinaire. If this happens, then what? I am the queen of the "if". This thought process of going through all the if's, and then realizing that God is still there, still in control, has been very therapeutic. It is not to say that I don't fear or worry at all anymore, but acknowledging that God has his hand on everything in my life, even the small stuff, is kind of a relief. Somehow, I trick myself into believing that I actually have complete control over my life, and the things that happen to me. In the end I am about as in control of my life as I am the Indy Speedway car at Disney World. Sure, I can make the decisions to go faster or slower, drive straighter, or not steer at all, but the track guides me and in the end I end up where I am supposed to go.