The Ways of God

Today was one of those days, that I would not want to repeat. Definitely not Groundhog Day material if you get my drift. On my way to church, I received a phone call from my best friend, telling me that a woman from our congregation had been shot and killed by her own son yesterday. The whole thing just seemed completely unfathomable to me. Though I didn't know the woman well, many of my close friends and family did, and it was simply devastating. It is at moments like this where I find myself questioning God. "Do You really know what You are doing? Really?" I can't even begin to understand how something like this can work together for good for those that love Him. I know I am limited in my thinking and understanding, but something like this seems so senseless and heartbreaking. A man has lost his wife, his daughter (who was also shot) is in the hospital, and his son, though mentally ill, is the reason for it all. It is almost too much for me to process from a distance, I can't imagine the thoughts reeling through this man's head. The ways of God are a mystery to me, to say the least. I don't always understand, or even agree (not that He needs my approval obviously), but I keep chugging along with the faith (many times a weak faith) that He has His hand in everything. I have to believe that, otherwise, there would be nothing left for me or anyone else to do but to permanently despair. I have to believe it, though today my doubts creep in, and I wonder where God was? Why didn't He intervene? Lyrics from the Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Higher Ways" have been running through my mind today. I am posting them below.

If I could only fly
I'd go up and look down from the sky
So I could see the bigger picture
And Lord if I could sit with You
At Your feet for an hour or two
I'm sure I'd ask too many questions
'Cause there's so much going on down here
That I must confess I just don't understand

But I have prayed
And at your feet my whole life has been laid
So I wont worry I wont be afraid
'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways
Let the road ahead become unclear
I am Yours so what have I to fear
If my soul is resting on Your higher ways

Your higher ways teach me to trust You
Your higher ways are not like mine
Your higher ways are the ways of the Father
Hiding His children in His love

So let it rain
And if my eyes grow dim with tears of pain
This hope I have will not be washed away
'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways

Someday I will fly and
Maybe then You will take me aside
And show me the bigger picture
But until I'm with You
I'll be here with a heart that is true
And a soul that's resting on
Your higher ways