Guilt

My birthday is coming. So, this is the time of year that family asks, "What do you want for your birthday?" I really want and need some new clothes, and there are a couple of sweaters that I wore so frequently last year I will seriously vomit if I am forced to put them on one more time this year. Last night, I finally broke down and did some online shopping. I can usually tell what will work for my body type and the extra bonus to online shopping is that I can shop for mostly "tall" items. The problem is the whole time I browsed and shopped I kept thinking, "I really could use the money for something else", there is always something. Anyway, I submitted my order with immense hesitation, and then I couldn't sleep. For two hours I laid wide awake feeling guilty about shopping for myself. How crazy is that? I mean it is my birthday, right? Even that argument didn't assuage the guilt. I told my parents today about my shopping "spree" and how I felt about it, and my dad told me that from the time my brother and I were little until we went to college my mom did the same thing. He used to have to force her to spend money on herself. So, I come by it honestly I guess. With that bit of knowledge I am trying to relax, besides my husband isn't phased, so why should I be? If I say that enough times, I might start to believe it. At any rate, my shipment of new sweaters is on its way, and I AM excited (with a dash of guilt).